21st March, 2016 (A report to my wife on an argument with the dog, 3am)

by Brendan Strong

That noise was not a burglar breaking in –
It was the dog, taking a shit!
Sitting in front of the TV
She stared quizzically at me:

What can I possibly want bursting in like this?
What do I propose to do with that dish?
Held aloft like some olympic disc
For what? To throw! To throw! You silly bitch!

To throw at whoever made the noise that woke me!
To give me an upper hand! To defend my family!
You silly dick, she stares: You know when it’s dark
I hear the noise and investigate- then you hear me bark.

None of this excuses you shitting on my floor!
None of this excuses you bursting in on me, you boor!